


From Existence, I Have Loved You

by jamesilver



Series: The Lives, The Loves [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Children, Cute, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Marriage, Married Couple, Parenthood, Rating May Change, but this is NOT mpreg okay they have a bacta tank baby mpreg makes me uncomfortable, hux and kylo are married, its a prequel so if you want the drama please do read the first in this series PRILY, maybe that's just bc pregame's at all makes me uncomfortable lol, parenting, they have a child he is adorable, this is really just a chill fic about raising a kid honestly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:47:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23830291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamesilver/pseuds/jamesilver
Summary: Having been married for a few years, Hux and Kylo decide that despite the status of their stations within the First Order, they want to have a child. After running countless calculations, they decide to grow their child in a bacta tank with their DNA.This fic then proceeds to be an adorable fic about parenting in which Kylo Is The Glue That Keeps This Family Functioning.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren
Series: The Lives, The Loves [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1717075
Comments: 10
Kudos: 34





	From Existence, I Have Loved You

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ::: This work is a part of series and I highly recommend that you read the series in order (although it is not technically necessary for understanding). This is a prequel to the main fic of the series, Please Remember I Love You. So go check that fic out! 
> 
> RATING::: This fic is currently rated as G, but I highly anticipate that rating changing. I don't know if it will only go up to T or if it will go up to M, but I do not anticipate it going to E, that much I can definitely say. The main fic in this series, (PRILY) is rated M and if there is anything in this universe I want to write as E, I will make it a separate work.

Kylo woke up, eyes still bleary, knowing it was the middle of the night. He touched the bed beside him and found the covers pulled back, leaving the exposed mattress empty and cold. Sitting up, he rubbed his eyes, looking around the room for his husband. Noticing the glow of light from the other room, Kylo pulled on a pair of underwear and got out of bed, pushing the door open. 

For a moment, he stood in the doorway, watching. Hux was at it again. He was in front of the holoprojector, furiously re-running calculations. 

Walking softly in the night, Kylo came up and sat down behind his husband, arms moving around Hux's waist. He held him close and whispered in his ear. "You're at it again." 

Hux gave a small, "hm" in acknowledgement. 

Kylo rested his chin on Hux's shoulder. "I thought we agreed that you would stop obsessing over this." 

"Ah, you're right," Hux whispered back. "If there's any thing to obsess over in life, it should never have to do with the conception of your child." 

"It'll work," Kylo promised. "This kid's gonna be fine. He's so gonna be so wonderfully you and so wonderfully me." 

Hux glanced at him over his shoulder. "Who said anything about this being a 'he'?" He was joking, of course. They had already decided:

In an effort to keep the child from being Force-sensitive, they figured there would be less of a chance if the child got less of their genetic material from Kylo. So they were going to take an X chromosome from Hux and instead of giving one from Kylo as well, they decided they would give their child the chromosome with far less genetic information. Which meant they would be having a baby boy. 

Kylo brushed a strand of hair out of his husband's face. "It's all going to be okay." He nuzzled closer to Hux. "This kid will have such a wonderful life. He's not going to want for anything. He's gonna be so loved by his parents. Honestly, we haven't even really started this whole thing yet, and I'm already prepared to die for this kid." He sighed, resting his forehead now on Hux's shoulder. "I think this kid's already making me go soft in the heart." 

Looking back up, he kissed Hux's neck. "But for now, you should be coming back to bed. Tomorrow's a big day." 

"Yes, exactly," Hux responded. "If we're starting this all tomorrow, then this is my last chance to rerun these calculations. If we got anything wrong, Kylo, our child might not survive. I have to re-check." 

"Hey, now." Kylo turned Hux around, cupping his cheeks with his hands. "Don't talk like that. And you've already reran the calculations more times than I could count. Everything is going to be fine. Starting tomorrow, we're gonna get everything together and this child is going start growing. In nine to ten months, he will be born and we will hold him and he will cry. We're on this amazing journey of parenthood. The stress you're feeling now is literally never going to go away. Sorry, babe, but you're always going to be this worried about him. It'll probably just get worse as he gets older, too." 

Hux was trying not to fidget in his nervousness. In the past few weeks, he had even taken to biting his nails, something he only ever did when he was truly worn thin. 

"Yes, but it's going to be our fault. If we fuck up..." 

"Yeah, that's the scary part about being a parent." 

Hux tipped forward and let his head rest on Kylo's. "I'm so worried about becoming my father." 

Brushing his hand through Hux's hair, he rested his hand on the back of Hux's neck. "I know. I'm worried I'm going to be a terrible parent. Like I'm going to make all of the mistakes that my parents made and then a few that are uniquely mine." 

"Kylo, you're going to do great. You will love this child so much; you're not going to abandon him to some Jedi training and leave him vulnerable without you there." 

Shifting so he could see Hux's eyes, Kylo said, "And you're not your father. In any way. You are so unlike Brendol. In fact, you shouldn’t be worried in the slightest. You know you're never going to hit our child. You'll do good. I promise." 

With a shaky breath, Hux still didn't look so sure. "I'm just worried. I mean, neither of us exactly had a good example of what good parenting is supposed to be. So how are we supposed to know what to do?" 

"We know what not to do. We're gonna make mistakes, sure, Hux. But it's going to be alright. There's no way around making mistakes when you're a parent. But we're doing this  _ together _ . I promise you that. You don't have to worry. You're not alone." 

Hux took a deep breath. "You're right. We're doing this together. We'll rely on each other."

"I love you, Hux." 

Softly, Hux kissed him. "I love you, too." Then, he turned to go back to the calculations. 

"Oh, no you don't," Kylo scooped him up with an arm around his waist, turning off the hologram and starting towards their bedroom. 

Hux protested as he was carried, squirming unsuccessfully to be released. 

Kylo brought him back to their bed and once they laid down, he loosened his grip. He kissed Hux behind the ear and they laid down to sleep. 

__________

The next morning, Hux was up before Kylo, which was nothing new anyway, but he was moving around the room constantly, pacing. Kylo sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Stop worrying, Hux," he said. "It's going to be okay." 

"I'm chewing my nails, Kylo, that's how bad this is. I haven't done that in years. Not since..." He trailed off, both of them knowing what he was referring to. But Kylo was better now, so they didn't have to worry about that. Instead, they had a whole new topic to provide them worry for the rest of their lives: a child. 

"We have one hour, Hux, and then we're going to get this entire thing started. We're ready. We've run the calculations. It's going to be okay. We are prepared. In fact, we're probably more prepared than most parents. I mean, some couples just wind up pregnant and  _ then _ have to figure everything out. Hell, some species have such short pregnancies they really have to scramble to get everything ready. But we've been preparing for this for a while. And we still have, like, nine months before this baby will be developed enough to take him out of the bacta tank." 

Kylo stood and walked towards Hux, catching him in the middle of pacing. He smoothed Hux's hair. "It's all okay," he whispered. 

Slowly, Hux nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, of course."

"We're prepared." 

Again, Hux nodded. "As much as we can be." 

An hour later, Kylo was standing in front of the bacta tank while Hux was getting everything prepared. He had the DNA and the chromosomes and shit, Kylo really didn't know. It was a lot of confusing science that Hux had spent months reading up on and Kylo really didn't understand all of it. Luckily, he was married to a genius and so he didn't have to. All he knew was that soon, they would be parents. 

Hux stepped back finally, examining the bacta tank one final time. Then, he stepped to the screen attached to it and started running through buttons and diagnostics. Kylo didn't know what to say or do so he just stood next to his husband, hoping that that would provide moral support enough. He put his hand around Hux's waist as DNA flashed across the screen alongside graphs and charts. 

Then, the padd said "Initializing" and Hux stepped back, breathing out a shaky sigh. 

"Well," he said, voice tight. "That's it. It's out of our hands, now." 

Kylo wrapped his arms around Hux from behind and rested his head on Hux's shoulder. "You did wonderful, babe." He kissed Hux's neck. "And now we're gonna have a baby. We just have to wait." Despite Hux's nod, Kylo could still feel the tension in his body. Hux pressed a hand against the transparisteel of the bacta tank and Kylo placed his next to it. 

"It's all going to be okay." 

__________

Over the next few months, Hux would check in on their growing child at least twice a day--after waking and before going to sleep. He would run diagnostics on vitals (which were still nonexistent for a long while, but he  _ just wanted to check _ ) and check chemical levels in the tank. Kylo would also go and check on their child, but he wasn't obsessive about it like Hux was. For a while, Kylo was thinking maybe it was because it wasn't as real to him yet. But that all changed one day. 

Kylo sat up in the middle of the night, gasping. 

A light sleeper, Hux immediately sat next to him. "Kylo, what's wrong? What's happening?"

Without words to describe what he was feeling, tears began streaming down Kylo's face. 

"Kylo, talk to me. What is it?" 

Hux was clearly worried, but Kylo couldn't put words together; he was overwhelmed. 

Without bothering to even put on a shirt, let alone his mask, Kylo got out of bed and left their rooms. Hux quickly pulled on clothes and followed him, knowing already where they were going and sick out of his mind with worry. 

When he finally caught up, Kylo was kneeling in front of the bacta tank, his hand against the glass, tears on his cheeks, and a wide smile across his face. By now, their baby was looking fully formed and many of its vitals were at strong levels. 

"Kylo, what is it? Is something wrong?"

Slowly, still staring at their baby in awe, Kylo shook his head. "No, Hux, he--" He caught his breath. "I can feel him." He laughed through his tears and Hux came to sit next to him. "I can  _ feel him. _ Hux," still not taking his eyes off the baby, he took Hux's hand. "Hux, he's here. This--it. His mind. He's here. I don't know how else to describe it. That's our son." 

Hux was unable to feel the change like Kylo was, but he hugged his husband closer. Then a surge of worry caught him off guard. 

Kylo had opened himself up to the Force so much in an effort to keep feeling their baby, that he immediately noticed Hux's worry and he turned to him. 

"What is it?" he asked. 

"Kylo, does this mean our child is Force sensitive?" 

Understanding, Kylo took Hux's face in his hands. "No. It means he's alive. It means it worked. The Force flows through every living thing and I can feel every living thing through the Force. He's going to be born any day now." Together, they turned back towards their child and Kylo felt Hux's relief. 

Over the next few weeks--the final weeks--neither could stand to be away from the bacta tank. Throughout the development of their child, they would stay in the room and sit by the tank and talk to their baby, but now neither was able to pull themselves away. For hours, they would sit there, in that room, and talk about everything, tell their child everything. They knew that he would be born knowing his dads. 

Sitting there as usual, Hux changed the direction of the conversation. "We still don't have a name, you know." 

"I like the letter Y," Kylo said. 

"Veto." 

Kylo pulled a face and tried not to huff. "Okay, G." 

"Super veto. Absolutely not." 

"What about a V? A nice, badass sort of name would start with V." 

Hux gave him a side-glance. "We're not having a child to raise a badass. We're trying to raise a competent adult who is better than his parents in every way possible."

"Well, that's not exactly difficult. I mean, I know parenting in general is difficult, but that's a low bar. H?"

Hux turned back to stare at their growing baby. "Veto." 

Smiling, Kylo said, "K?" 

"Could you give an actual suggestion?" 

Kylo blew out a sigh. "Do you want to name him after someone?" 

Hux's head whipped around. "I swear, if you try to suggest Anakin--" 

In mock shock, Kylo pressed a hand to his chest. "Never. In fact, what about Wilhuf?" 

"After Grand Moff Tarkin? No. Please, actual suggestions here, this is serious." 

Sitting back, Kylo crossed his arms. "Well then, you suggest something." 

Minutes passed in silence while Hux thought. Then, finally, he said, "Eimril." 

Kylo thought it over. "Not bad. But I think we could do better." They returned to silence. "Op'eha?" 

"Sounds elegant. Jainis?" 

"Is elegant a bad thing, then?" 

"No. Just a comment." 

Kylo leaned forward, bringing himself closer to their child. Hux kept trying names. 

"Enyus? Cosmi?" 

"Lonli?" Kylo tried. 

"Caemon?" Hux started to say the next name he had thought of, but Kylo held a hand out, still staring at the bacta tank. 

"Caemon Hux," he whispered. "Babe, that's it." 

"Are you sure?" 

Now, Kylo glanced over his shoulder at his husband, who had his nose scrunched up. "I don't know if I like it." 

Kylo laughed at him. "It was your suggestion." 

Smiling now, Hux scoot forward next to Kylo, right in front of the bacta tank and he looked at their son. "Caemon," he whispered, just like Kylo did. 

Wrapping an arm around his husband, Kylo knew they had found it. "He heard it," Kylo said. "I felt it. He knew Caemon was right." 

Still staring at their child, Hux nodded. "Yeah. Caemon is definitely right."

Holding Hux closer, Kylo whispered. "What about Caemon Eimril Hux? That would be a nice middle name." 

Almost soundlessly, Hux repeated the name. Then, he nodded slightly, smiling. "That's it. That's it." 

__________

"Are you ready?" Kylo stood in front of the bacta tank with Hux, a hand on his shoulder. 

With a deep breath, Hux nodded. "Are you sure about this Force trick? It'll keep him safe for his whole life?" 

Kylo nodded. "It should last even when I'm dead. Every time someone comes into contact with Caemon that isn't us, it will be like he is a normal child that they have always known about, but when they walk away, all memories of his existence will quickly fade and it'll be like he doesn't exist. That is, until they come back into contact with him. It'll be the strongest when they're around him. It might not work as well if they're told about him when not around him, but as no one would remember him to tell, I don't think that's a problem. A Force Sensitive, however, might be able to remember him after leaving, but it isn't likely. Only if they're making an effort to remember, which would require them to know about this trick in the first place." 

"Okay," Hux nodded. "Then, I think we have everything ready. Let's get this onto the ship." 

The bacta tank had been stored in an empty room in  _ The Finalizer _ for the nine months that it took Caemon to develop. Now, he was ready to be born and they had both taken shore leave and were going to have their newborn on a remote planet, in a house they had built. Just for at least the first few months. 

They moved the tank with ease and Kylo took extra precautions to modify the memories of anyone that saw them walking through the halls of the ship with it. Hux had disabled all of the cameras in the hallways and hangers and was hoping that that action wouldn't come back to bite him in the ass if anything happened. But they walked into the hangar with confidence and onto their ship with no problems. 

Kylo was securing the tank while Hux turned the ship on and disengaged it from the Star Destroyer, radioing in final reports to his officers before he left. And then Kylo sat down next to him in the pilot's seat and they were off. 

They set a course for a point in the Outer Rim, knowing it wasn't where they were going. But all coordinates had to be entered before making the jump to hyperspace and they would be transmitted back to  _ The Finalizer. _ Their house and the planet it was on were a secret that Hux and Kylo didn't want getting out--just like how they didn't want people to know about Caemon and kept their relationship as discreet as possible.

They would reach their point in the Outer Rim and then disable the tracking device before making the rest of the journey. First Order policy on all ships was that if the tracking device was disabled and comms were not answered in thirty seconds, to fire at will, which is why they always waited until they were far away to disable them. They weren't in too much of a hurry to get there. They would just answer the comms back to  _ The Finalizer _ saying they were having some problems with their tech and write a report on it when they got back to the ship at the end of their shore leave. Everything would be fine. 

In three hours, they had reached their home, built on a planet deep into the Unknown Regions. It was safe; Hux had made sure of that before they had built. And it was very far from all civilization. An hour in hyperspace at least. 

Quickly, they unloaded the bacta tank out of the ship and onto the ground. Then, with a deep breath, they both stood in front of the padd. 

Almost unable to do it for the fear and anxiety gripping his heart, Hux pressed the button that would drain the tank and immediately closed his eyes, feeling unable to watch. What if they had done it too soon? 

His eyes flew open when Kylo's hand left his arm and he heard the sound of a baby crying. Hux watched Kylo pick up their beautiful baby and carry him over to Hux. 

Through his tears, Hux said, "Hello, Caemon." 

**Author's Note:**

> CAEMON!!! AAAAHH!!! Oh, and if you read PRILY, look y'all! Our lil baby has a middle name now!!!!! awwww 
> 
> ___
> 
> i don't know anything about hyperspace travel don't judge me or my times and i wasn't going to learn fucking astrophysics or whatever for half a paragraph of info 
> 
> ___
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!! Please feel free to leave a comment and/ or message me on [ tumblr ](https://www.bumblebae8.tumblr.com)
> 
> I am also currently taking ficlet requests on [ tumblr ](https://www.bumblebae8.tumblr.com)


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